teaching insecurities
Did an orientation today for our office's new intern, who is a high schooler. It's been a while since I've:
- been front-facing in a classroom setting (I'm usually behind the scenes)
- interacted with anyone younger than me in a work capacity (I'm the youngest person in my department). It was really nice though β I missed working with students, and I remembered why I liked it so much.
But... I also remembered how EXHAUSTED I always was lol. After only an hour and a half, I was beat β I attribute this to the mental workout combo of (1) being Me But Outgoing and (2) posing as an adult. I worry, particularly with high schoolers, that they'll notice I'm putting on this "put-together-mentor-figure" persona and see that I'm just a fellow awkward kid, which will make it difficult to take learning from me seriously.
Thoughts like this bounce around my head whenever I'm tasked to lead a charge or even speak to one student in any mentorship capacity, and this time was no exception. But after the orientation, my boss β who sat in via call as I fumbled my way through β said that even though I lamented that I was "meant for backend" or "not good with students," my insecurity didn't bleed into the way I conduct myself around them, and I did a much better job than I thought. And when I thought about it, despite the fact that high schoolers are much harder to read than little kids, I felt that my intern came away from me having learned something.
At the end of the day, as a teacher or facilitator or whatever, I just want to do right by my students. I want to be someone they can have faith in and rely on, and give them what they need to become the person they're trying to be. If this is something I'm apparently able to do already, even while being mauled by my insecurities in the process, then great. Might be better, even, if I try doing it while believing in myself.