in which i stress myself out as usual
I bought one of those step-tracking watches recently, under the recommendation of my trainer. It also offers a stress assessment feature, and every time I've tried it so far, it's told me that my stress level is "mild." I thought this was the lowest rating until my sister tried hers and it said she was "relaxed"... I think that says a lot about how I am on a day-to-day basis lol.
But today I'm happy to report I got a rating of "relaxed"!!!! It came at the end of a good day: I went to lunch with some friends, we hit up an art fair where we shopped and chatted with some people, and I went out to dinner with my mom and sister. A Saturday well spent.
Unfortunately, I've also started my teacher preparation program again. The first two weeks back are just easing you into the program before you start your clinical practice, which I'm so not looking forward to. I'm not even sure if the learning center I'm teaching at is ready for me to start with them, and that uncertainty is casting a shadow over my preparations. I don't know how to prepare for students I don't even know I'll have! How many are they? What is their language background? Can I proceed with the language arts syllabus I've designed, or should I pivot to something more like ESL? It's freaking me out.
I used to work as a content designer for lessons at this same center. I thought it was a great idea that they separated the roles of the person making the content and the person administering it. But for my program, I'm supposed to do both, and it's overwhelming in a paralyzing way. I know this is just preparing me for the workload of a regular teacher, but yeesh! Maybe this is not the job for me. Between my perfectionist tendencies and total investment in things I care about, I know teaching will become my whole life, and I'd still like to be able to shut off at the end of the day.
Don't think it helps that I've been learning more and more about library science and archiving – something I think is far more suited to me, but much less in demand, especially where I live. I have vague plans on how I can pivot, but it still involves me finishing this damn program and using it as a springboard.
Of course, all of this negativity could just be nerves. I honestly do love teaching and working with students. I'm just so uncertain about all of it – how much of myself I'll have to pour into the work, what kind of life it promises me. I hope the next twelve weeks go by quickly and mostly painlessly, and that I come out of them with a little more clarity.
A girl who lied.
(Just checked my watch... Stress level is back to mild, as expected!)