Since getting on the tiny web, I've noticed a lot of people use Proton Mail. I assume it's a safer, more secure mail client than the usual ones, but I'll admit I haven't looked into it too much beyond how to avoid it as much as possible, thanks to some older events.

Last month marked one year since my family started getting stalked and harassed online by someone who's been sending my mom, my sister, and myself emails intending to provoke and emotionally harm us. It's been: Not Fun!

We have an idea of who the person harassing us is, but she's been sending multiple emails from multiple accounts, using Proton Mail to blur herself and her identity in some way, so legal action is difficult to take. We also can't take action for a multitude of other reasons, which sounds suspicious, but while I'd like to talk about it, it's just not something I've even told many of my friends about. We've taken it upon ourselves as a family to bear it in silence and wait it out.

When it was at its worst, I was doing everything I could (as the most chronically online person in this family) to figure out how to trace shit back to her or get her accounts banned or something. Eventually it seemed either impossible or more than I was capable of, so I gave up.

My sister and I took down the email addresses we use for commissions. I've thought about just abandoning that inbox and name entirely and starting with a new one from scratch. These are maybe small inconveniences to someone else, but it was exhausting to think about and frustrating to have to be forced to do.

Last year was hellish - this year is better. She stopped barraging us with emails some time in December, but sometimes we still get them, sneaking past the filters we put up because she just keeps making more and more addresses.

I know the mail service itself is not an insidious one. But seeing the @pm.me email addresses on sites or blogs that otherwise inspire me and make me happy can set off alarms in my head and just be a little jarring. It's no one's fault, but I hate it anyway.

I'd like to leave my email on my public pages too, because one of the things I love most about the tiny web is how personal and intentional interactions have been. I want to have as many channels open to have as many of this interactions as possible. There's no way to contact me embedded into Bear's platform (which I don't mind at all, and quite like, actually) so email is my best bet, and I'd like to have it be one that feels more secure too, given recent events. (Ironic!)

So it just kind of sucks that this particular harmless thing I might actually enjoy and get some use out of was tainted. I'm sure I'll eventually just bite the bullet and use it, and shake off the association. It's not Big Trauma after all. But for now it's like a little spider in my room - something I'll acknowledge the presence of but quietly avoid until I decide there are better things to worry about.

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Edit 230511: I caved not even a month later - somehow I'm not surprised. You can email me at hellomei (at) proton.me.