a(n unironic) love letter to my coworkers
Today I told HR that I was going to finish up my contract rather than get regularized. There were a couple of things leading up to this decision, but the main reason is that I want to finish this teaching certificate program I started (and almost immediately hit pause on) in 2022. I know I'm going to have a hard time doing both work and school at once (or, even if it's not hard, I'll hate myself for it), so I made the executive decision to focus on that certificate come September, when my contract ends.
But it's sort of sad because... I really love working with my coworkers!?
It's kind of laughable. I never thought THE WORK ENVIRONMENT would be the number one reason to sway me towards staying in a corporate setting. What in the world.
yeah, what in the world, mei, why?
It helps, I suppose, that my office does not follow a very traditional structure β leadership is in place, but it's not hierarchical, and there's a lot of emphasis on feedback and psychological safety. Those are buzzwords in most settings, of course, but they're buzzwords that seem to mean something in my office. I'm constantly impressed by how everyone actually seems to be upholding those standards. The leaders especially don't seem to slack off and hold themselves to the same standard as β or even a higher one than β they do everyone else.
My coworkers are also just excellent at their jobs. Working with them is like being in a group project but all your groupmates are the crazygood ones that always deliver (rather than what I remember living through in high school). And they're fun outside of work! I look forward to going to the office and having lunch with them. The age range isn't huge, which definitely helps too, and any generation gap is treated with levity and humor. Also, weirdness and shared knowledge is appreciated: At lunch one day, I found myself and some other coworkers explaining to our older coworkers, in great detail, the three characteristics required to be a himbo. Average lunch break at the office.1
There are also small moments that make me happy β whether it's friendship or not, I don't know, but it feels like friendship or care or something among the people, and that brings joy. Today one of my coworkers gave me an enamel pin of Kazuha from Genshin Impact2, as a gift, out of nowhere, just because he knew I liked him. Another coworker, who I've been getting closer to these days, invited me to keep working in a room with her after we were shooed out of the common area for an event. (When I started, I was told she was sweet but didn't really bond or spend time with anyone at the office.) One of the leads β who I was told treats my two other team members to coffee sometimes β immediately started inviting me once I joined, even if we'd just met. My teammates and I bring back presents for each other after trips. I fumble my words when they're not in English, and no one makes fun. Everyone is genuinely kind and, best of all, seems to enjoy each other's company.
the urge to stamp out this love is weird
I don't know why I feel I'm being a weirdo by enjoying working with my coworkers so much. In my head, there's a voice that's like βΒ well, we're not friends. We don't hang out outside of the office. We're workplace proximity associates. Maybe two of you will keep in touch with me after I resign, and then eventually we will not. It's weird to put stock, to pour love into this small community, when it's so fleeting and conditional and situated in a soulless capitalistic context.
But... eh! Why should I be stingy about the love I have for different moments and people in my life? What about transience or peripherality is unworthy of being loved and treasured? Why should it be creepy that my favorite thing about my job is my coworkers? Whatever if they don't stay in my life. Whatever if we're not actually close. Whatever if I don't care about the work I do, especially when I'm doing it well. It's just nice to have been in this space at this time with these people, and to have enjoyed it.
I came home after being abroad for college, and spent the pandemic feeling like I didn't have a place here beyond my house and family. Belonging β in a larger sense, beyond my circle β felt like it was in another country. But my work environment and the people who comprise it came at the right time β it abated that feeling, even if for a little while. Belonging is this, for the moment that it is now. I'm a little more sure of myself, a little more at home, and I owe it to this time and these people and this experience.
Why wouldn't I give it my love?
β